Better Sex

This is the place where you will discover tips and information for your consideration. To kick the section off we are going to start off with some lighter reading which hopefully will put a spring in your step and have you not only planning ahead but also grinning from ear to ear. 


  On your marks

  69 & then some.

  1. 1. He lies on his back with his legs open. 
  2. 2. She straddles him with her face near his pelvis.

3. He gives her cunnilingus while she gives him a blow job.

4. Each gives their mouth a break by swapping to a vibrator focusing on clitoris and testicles.

And then try these.   

Behind You Position 

How to Get Into the Behind You Position

  1. He stands in an open door frame.
  2. He leans his back against one side of the door frame and presses his feet at the bottom of the opposite side of the door frame.
  3. She straddles his pelvis with her back facing his face and leans forward onto the door frame.
  4. He wraps his arms around her waist to support her and help with the lovemaking.

         Tips for Full-Figured Couples

If her butt is pleasantly plump, this Sex Position can be tricky unless you use this positron modification.

  • Tilt her pelvis back arching her back a little helps. 
  • This will position your vagina for deeper penetration and better g-spot stimulation.

                Tips & Techniques

              For More Stimulation

  • Deep Penetration: Push back as he thrusts, in order to provoke deeper penetration and more powerful thrusts.
  • G-Spot Stimulation: Arch your back a little, point your butt out, and tilt your pelvis so that your vulva is closer to him. This will allow deeper penetration and better g-spot stimulation. 
  • Clitoral Stimulation: Use a free fingers or toy that is well lubricated to stimulate your clitoris.


Getting Into the Flexible Friend

  1. She lies on her back with her  knees against  chest.
  2. He lies on top of her with his legs straight.  

How to Perform:

He enters her and then wraps his arms around her legs and uses them as leverage to thrust.

Tips For More Stimulation:

  • Wear a vibrating ring on the base of penis so the ring’s vibrator can stimulate the clitoris.
  • Be well lubricated for stimulation.

Variants to explore:   

‘Back Of The Net’ Football Position

So he likes a kick around yet sometimes seems glued to that football – right? 

Time to change things around : he needs to learn that his football can actually give you both a  ‘World Cup/F.A  Bring It On Goal Focused’ experience. Where deep penetration and great ‘back of the net’  g-spot stimulation makes him and his football most sporting. 

Getting Into Position.

Whether in or outdoors (discretion/caution needed) :

  1. She lies on her back.
  2. He lifts her bottom, places it on the (clean) football.
  3. He kneels before her and leans forward over her body while supporting his upper body with his arms then enters.
  4. Use the football to help tilt your pelvis thus creating a better angle of penetration for g-spot stimulation. Use the football to to facilitate your own movement.

G Spot – ‘Back Of The Net’ – Tips

  • Controlling the Angle of Penetration: Go deep.
  • Arch your back a little to tip your pelvis making for an easier angle for g-spot stimulation.
  • Gyrate: Use the football to ease movement.
  • Powerful Thrusts Are Better: Good g-spot stimulation requires more deliberate pressure against the g-spot. As the football is firm but soft, use it to help with a rolling up and down of the pelvis when he is thrusting. 
  • “J” Technique: He can make a “J” with his pointer finger, and pull up at the base of his penis so it presses against the top wall of her vagina to help with purposeful and direct inward sliding towards the g-spot during sex. (Note: This is easier when she focuses on the football so he can focus on getting to ‘back of the net’ direct and deliberate movements).

Enhancing Clitoral Stimulation :

A cock ring on the base of your penis so the ring’s vibrator will stimulate the clitoris while aiming for ‘back of the net orgasmic euphoria’.

Flooring-It-Outdoors After Lockdown.

A must try sex position for deep fast pleasing penetration when outdoors and/or when you fancy a quickie under the sky. 

Caution & Discretion needed of course – but can turn up the heat fast when outdoors after a lockdown and when you get the ‘need to do it now’ urge.

How to Get Into & Perform the Position:

  1. Lay your her down on a sun-bed or if on the grass raise hips with pillows, blankets, bags, coats (you get the idea).
  2. Have her raise her legs a little and place feet on the picnic hamper box/bag or things like wood, rocks or other organic materials at hand. (note: take care to avoid a splinter/cut/scratch).
  3. The underside of her knees should be near your elbow or higher if in a guaranteed deserted area with no risk of overlooking eyes.
  4. He can watch her enjoyment and use his own hands to control his own pleasure by pulling partway out to  semi masturbate with one hand while stimulating her clitoris / enjoy her breasts with the other.
  5. As you enjoy, he must make sure eyes are peeled for anyone in the vicinity who might catch you at it. Discretion IS needed at ALL times, best remain clothed (except for that which needs to removed eg panties),with a blanket or coat at hand to disguise any action should someone approach.
  6. Can be an exciting experience just knowing and feeling how haughty doing this outdoors is, especially after a long cooped up lockdown.

Tips To Add More Stimulation

  • Wear a ring at the base of the penis so the ring’s vibrator can stimulate the clitoris when you’re fully inside of her.  When outside her, tease by allowing it to flop up and down the clitoris.
  • She can use fingers on her clitoris where sensations can be enhanced with our ‘moose-joose’ lubricant.
  • She wears a dress/skirt – leaves panties at home.
  • He wears loose clothes – tracksuit, shorts, anything that can be pulled up/down with ease allowing for fast no fumble performance.
  • If not using a condom but concerned about ejaculation mess, prepare by having tissues at hand for clean up and panties to slip on. Or (a) he pulls out and ejaculates in her hand (b) she sits up when she’s done watching him masterbate before aiming his load at the ground. (Be warned, the latter can be a real turn on for her and she may find she can reach another orgasm if she uses a vibrator at the same time as he masterbates setting it to maximum when he tells her he’s about to drop his load).

Sit Back ‘n’ Love My Breasts Position

A great woman in control position allowing her to start with cuddles, affection and teasing before progressing further with her satisfaction preferences (with or without penetration).

Superb if you both want sex but need to be able to control depth, speed or prolong intercourse while still enjoying intimacy while aroused by clear visual stimuli. 

Also ideal if (for whatever reason) you want to (a) avoid the weight of a partner (b) just want to have more freedom to move, bear down /thrust or (c) just after a new pleasure centred around breast stimulation. Why not give this a go and look to personalise to meet your needs.

Often breast and nipple stimulation are overlooked, which is a shame considering how sensitive nipples are. Some women find their nipples very very receptive to fondling, and that when squeezed/twiddled/rolled/nibbled and sucked experience arousing sensations that can be felt deep within the vagina.

NB : As with anything new, it may take a while getting used to so do be open minded. Consider what women have openly shared – such as – feeling a tingling in their tongue, before feeling floaty feelings within the pelvic area which led to orgasms being felt in the cervix and then up into the uterus  –  this could be a new experience you might like if you go with it. 

For the partner it is very enjoyable, men love to look at breasts, as well as fondling, kissing, sucking and yes *ucking them too. 

During this position you get to decide when or if penetration will take place. Sometimes you might just go with the flow, allowing penis, fingers or toys to stimulate  genitals as you both learn to enjoy everything that is breast focussed. Use your imagination & enjoy a new venture.

How to Get into the Position 

  1. He sits on the couch with his legs together and feet flat on the ground.
  2. She straddles his pelvis sitting on his lap facing him.
  3. Her knees are bent, pressed against the back of the sofa, her feet dangling off the edge.
  4. If you’re going for penetration help him in and then make a front-to-back grinding motion for clitoral stimulation or go up-and-down for in/out/deep penetration or do a combination of both.  
  5. Remember, whether you’ve opted for penetration or not, this position is all about your breasts, so bounce, jiggle and join in, they are after all, your breasts.
  6. Offer him a vibrator to place between the breasts to mimic his penis as you push them together as you both grind. It’s a visual turn on for him & you may like the sensation too.
  7. Your breasts are centre stage here, so make sure you give him a show and let him (if not both of you) enjoy  the stimulation & satisfaction they bring.
  8. If you have opted for non-penetration whereby his penis is externally stimulating both himself and you, still consider adding hand / fingers / toys.
  9. Lastly, when you are ready for the closing fireworks, here are some variants. 

(a). if you’re done, dismount, swap to a hand job.

(b). with penetration-use vibrator on yourself, end together.

(c). non-penetration but you’re done – lean back, his erection poking up through your vulvas, allow him to take over controlled thrusting while still playing with breasts until he’s ready for his finale. When he tells you he’s approaching (but not at) the point of no return, interrupt/distract him to stop him in his tracks, let him calm down then get him worked up again (which will makes for a stronger ejaculation). Important: remember to get him to tell you when he knows he can’t hold on any more, then you can both position yourselves to visually enjoy his finale. 

NB: later you can introduce sessions of repeating, almost there, now stop,  repeating again and again, so when he just cannot hold back (due to intense need to climax) you can set a goal of getting his ejaculation to reach your breasts – if it reaches, you’ll also fulfil what a lot of men like – that being – watching their white sticky stuff landing and being rubbed all over, before being wiped away.

Eager Eagle 

A simple kneeling position offering deep penetration along with great g-spot stimulation while allowing easy access to deliver clitoral stimulation.

  1. He places his feet under his bottom & sits on them.
  2. She’s on her back, legs open & pointing to the sky.
  3. He grabs her legs and pulls her towards him.
  4. He lifts her bottom so that it’s resting in his lap.

Over my Shoulders

A kneeling position with deep penetration & fab g-spot stimulation.

  1. She’s on her back with a pillow under her head, legs held together pointing upwards.
  2. He kneels before her.
  3. He wraps his right arm around both of her legs and rests them on his right shoulder.
  4. He picks up her pelvis a little using her legs and pulls her towards him to penetrate as deep as they wish.
  5. Her bottom can be pulled up his lap foe relaxed support and to allow movement.

You can kiss my Feet too !

Another kneeling positron that’s fairly easy once you get the hang of it, though it can require a few goes to get the hang of it. Worth the effort because of great penetration & ease of access to the clitoris.

Getting Into It

  1. She lies on her back with a pillow under her head.
  2. She brings her knees to her chest.
  3. He kneels before her.
  4. He spreads his legs so his knees are by her side.


He enters her – then she keeps her knees bent and feet in the air. He can kiss the soles of her feet, nibble and suck her toes !

The Big L 

This a sex position with deep penetration that’s performed while the she lies on her side.

How to Get Into the Big L Sex Position

1. She lies on her side and supports her head with her lower arm under it.

2. She lifts her upper leg and points it straight up and holds it in place with her upper arm.

3. He straddles her lower leg.

4. She rests her upper leg on his shoulder, and he wraps an arm around it for support.

5. His free hand can be placed on her butt, belly, or breast during sex.

How to Perform the Big L Sex Position

He enters her and pulls back on her upper leg as he thrusts.

How to Get Into the Harp Sex Position

  1. She lies on her side and supports her upper body with her elbow on the bed.
  2. He lifts her upper leg straight up and then straddles her pelvis.

How to Perform the Harp Sex Position

He either holds on to her leg that’s pointing up or supports his upper body with his hands behind her on the bed.

G-Spot Stimulation: 

There are several things you can do to  stimulation the G-spot better. 

1/.  She arches her back a little, rotating her pelvis so the angle of penetration generates more g-spot stimulation. 

2/.  She pushes back as he thrusts into her. 

3/.  He holds on to her hips & pulls back as he’s thrusting.

Arousal Is Very Important

The g-spot usually only responds during stimulation & heightened  arousal. So foreplay is crucial.

Finding the G-Spot

  1. Spend a lot of time in foreplay. Holding, kissing, touching, &  even some manual clitoral stimulation or cunnilingus. 
  2. Do whatever makes her very aroused.
  3. Once aroused she lays on her back with her legs open.
  4. Insert two fingers about 2-3 inches into her vagina with your palm facing up.
  5. Make a come-hither motion with your fingers while feeling for a spongy area.
  6. Experiment with different depths and amounts of pressure while paying attention to her reaction.

It’s All About the Angle

When it comes to stimulating the g-spot during sex, it’s about the angle & pressure aimed at the g-spot.

Sex positions that have an angle of penetration that causes the head of the penis to press on the g-spot as it enters are the best.


  • The Angle of Penetration : When possible, arch your back a little and/or roll your pelvis out during sex, so the angle of penetration is just right for g-spot stimulation.
  • Powerful Thrusts Are Better: Good g-spot stimulation requires more pressure against the g-spot. Thrust with power in a steady rhythm for as long as you can for the best results. She can help generate more powerful thrusts by pushing back as her husband is thrusting into her.
  • “J” Technique: Make a “J” with your pointer finger, and use it to pull up at the base of your penis so it presses against the top wall of her vagina and slides over her g-spot during sex

The Cat Pose Overview

1) Women lies on her back with a folded pillow against her butt.

2) Male lies on top of her between her legs.

3) He supports almost all of his weight with elbows & knees on the bed, while keeping bodies touching. The pillow is important in amplifying clitoral stimulation during CAT Pose aka – Coital Alignment Technique.

Step 1: Male enters female  just like he would if he were having sex in the Missionary Sex Position, supporting his weight on his elbows & knees, keeping bodies touching.

Step 2: Next, he scoots his body up a little while he’s still inside until his penis slides halfway out of her vagina.

Note : The position of the male body causes the shaft of his penis to turn up as it exits her vagina & rubs directly over the clitoris.

Step 3: Here’s the important part. Instead of raising & lowering his pelvis he rocks or rolls his pelvis back & forth while keeping constant contact with the clitoris.

Note : The rocking motion  keeps the penis in constant contact with the clitoris as it slides in & out, while  reducing his own stimulation which helps him to last longer.

Going further : 

More clitoral stimulation & a tighter fit can be achieved by simply closing her legs.

Swim Baby Swim

Swimming can improve your sex life by boosting your libido and sexual performance aside from toning your body, improving your cardiac function and increasing your energy levels. 

It is a great way to get into exercising because the water offers your body support.

The ‘horizontal position’ of swimming results in less exertion on your body because the heart isn’t working against gravity such as working extra hard to pump blood around your body. Harvard University reported swimmers in their 60s had sex lives similar to those of people of around 40 years. 

To Stroke or Not To Stroke

It’s the best exercise for toning your pelvic floor muscles leading to more powerful orgasms including heightening the sexual experience of your partner as well as alleviating health problems such as urinary incontinence and vaginal prolapse.

You’ve heard the saying ‘breast is best’ well it applies to swimming too. Remember the simple action of bringing your legs together causes your thigh and pelvic floor muscles to contract thus strengthening them as you simply loose yourself in the enjoyment of the moment.

Studies have found that the heart rate of a swimmer is around 12 beats less per minute to that of a runner, enabling you to keep up intensity and stamina, both of which are beneficial for enjoying sexual intercourse.

Additional Benefits

Your endorphins aka the ‘feel good hormones’ get a real boost reducing stress levels which are known contributors to low libido.

Swimming can improve brain function through a process known as ‘Hippocampal- Neurogenesis’ whereby the brain welcomes opportunity to replace cells destroyed by stress.

Circulation increases around the body including the genital area, boosting sexual function.

It is the preferred choice of exercise by able and less able people due to it being a low impact activity that puts less strain on joints. 

If you swim regularly rather than just on holiday you’ll likely boost your sex life all year long.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to find somewhere where you can go ‘skinny dipping’ making the exercising experience more pleasurable for yourself and maybe your partner.

Happy Splashing ! 

No Intercourse Required

Long ago an old myth circulated in so much as it was deemed ‘rule of thumb’ that in order to have  “proper or normal” sex you needed to have penetration or it simply wasn’t sex. Thankfully those references are becoming a distant memory as we embrace sex more openly and with a far healthier frame of mind.

Who has a vagina, who has a penis, me or you and what else makes up our sexuality ?

Sexual orientation is deeply personal therefore sex can only be a personal experience where people enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure differently and yes some prefer no penetration end of.

Society and some Healthcare Professionals contributed to people’s feelings of utter frustration if penetrative sex (whether that be down to physical disability, medications, pregnancy, surgery , cancer treatments & side effects ,menstruation, menopause and the dreaded vaginismus to name a few) did not take place. Now we are accepting that sex can be as we want it to be and penetration isn’t always necessary.

Beyond Penetration: 

When we shift from focussing on penetration we make a conscious choice to put penetration in the ‘off limits’ box, and give ourselves alternatives to explore like massages, use of sex toys, oral sex, reading/watching erotic fiction, maybe even a little light bondage and many other desires opening the potential to experiencing the best sex we have had in ages.

Masturbate !

But do it together, yes that’s right, let your partner masturbate while you yourself also masturbate allowing you both to enjoy the visual stimulation. Give guidance and follow instruction on what feels good. As the pleasure intensifies you’ll notice how you are no longer inhibited, in fact things might start to become a tad vocal which is going to make excitement further enhanced. As things progress even consider moving into the shower or bath where steam and water can also enhance sensations further. If you want to rekindle your youth, try the back seat of the car ( a discreet location is essential or settle for the garage ! ). Whatever you do, if it’s the back seat of the car take the tissues to clean up afterwards – the last thing you want on the school run is some little person asking what’s this goo ? 

Go Get The Toys !

It’s a shame but true that only 25% of women reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse. Most require direct clitoral stimulation by either hand/fingers, vibrators or orally in order to get a chance of a mind blowing orgasm. Sex toys can be mono or with the option to control intensity by using controls. The beauty of a sex toy is it can be used by yourself as well as in the presence of your partner -,which if a man you should note that men tend to find this incredibly arousing. You remain in control as you can invite your partner to join in if you so desire rather than just have them watch you pleasuring yourself. Rest assured a well lubricated vibrator sliding in and out of your well lubricated vagina can feel amazing no matter who is doing the action. Using a toy lends itself to speedy pleasure when time is of the essence as well as being able to allow your partner to watch as they bring you to orgasm , maybe even masturbating as they do so heightening the mood even more for you both.These toys are also a lot quieter today and some can be used in water so choose wisely or choose several depending on need. 

There are some that are small and look like lipsticks so you can put it in your handbag which is great if you want to have some discreet fun when away from home. A lot of women opt for this type so they can masturbate in the toilet say at work or when they are in a nightclub/cinema with their partner because their partner gets very turned on watching them discreetly do this especially when she’s all done she then invites her partner to (with upmost discretion) place their hands in her pants to feel how wet she became. Behaving like this can extend to many erotic encounters where a male masturbating device might also need to be kept in the handbag to relieve him at a convenient opportunity when she is all done (taken home for cleaning – naturally).

You have a choice between a stand alone vibrator that is often a product for first timers or you can up the anti with a remote control version which can allow you or your partner to control how the toy performs out/inside you. If it’s your partner who’s in charge it can be incredibly arousing not knowing what they have in store for you.

Lastly there’s the G-Spot Version, where when using this particular type will stimulate a tiny spot on the vagina wall. This type of orgasm is the orgasms of all orgasms because women actually ejaculate their own sexual fluid which though satisfying can be a bit of a shock if they are unprepared. Some think they have wet themselves, but if you read up on the G-Spot you will find it is simply female ejaculate released by G-spot simulation resulting in a specific type of orgasm. When you’ve had one you’ll know it and because of the fluid you will likely release it would be wise to experience the first one by yourself (maybe in the shower) or at least let your partner know what to expect when it happens, and until you know the volume of fluid you’ll release , make sure you protect any surfaces with something absorbent like towels. 

It’s Behind You !

Exploring anal play and anal toys requires a little more tact as to some of it is very much still taboo. A wise word – alway use a sex toy designed for anal play to remain safe, never use anything else no matter how safe it looks or you think it is. Many people have ended up at A&E having to invent an excuse as to how that cucumber got where it ended up. No doubt those retrieving it (because your anus has no ‘halt’ feature such as the cervix)  have likely heard it all before, but let’s agree it’s best to avoid such humiliation.

Words of Wisdom :

Never ever put anything you used near or in the anus into the vagina until it has been fully sterilised. Ok so we get that this sort of puts the brakes on ‘in the moment’ so best option would be buy 2 , keeping one for ‘front of house’ and one for ‘back stage’.

Hot v Cold :

If you’re likely to want to savour temperature sensations then listen up. Glass and Metal are great for heating up in water or cooling in the fridge and can be used externally on the body to create pleasure as well.

Fellatio aka Oral Sex (performed on men) : 

Try it at least once because it’s mind blowing (no pun intended).  Women love giving it, and men go mental receiving it so loads of us really enjoy fellatio even if we’re a bit shy in coming forward on the matter. Consider also that you do not require a fully erect penis to benefit from the pleasures of this fantastic activity. Getting your partner hard in this way is quite easy but you need to observe for pre-orgasm signs and tone it down if you want him to last the course. 

If however you are a bit of a tease and it’s what he likes, start him up, let him down and repeat until he blows up in your face, mouth or over your breasts. Either way you’ll have the pleasure of seeing/feeling him shoot his hot load somewhere great.

TIP : If you’re going for the tease, make sure you’ve orgasmed first because he won’t likely feel like doing much afterwards and may fall asleep quickly. 

Just so you know, if he came in your mouth, let it dribble out, men love to see their ‘after the event nectar’ no matter where it ended up.

And keep things clean before partaking, nothing is more than a put off than a ponging penis.

Cunnilingus aka Oral Sex (performed on women) :

If you’ve got a clitoris enjoying oral sex is fabulous too but poor technique can leave you disappointed (and not a recommended activity during menstruation). Women are complicated as there is no visual tell tale sign things are going well unlike with  a man where we can observe the penis becoming erect.Therefore you need to talk your partner through it until they’ve mastered how to get you to orgasm, and yes you can incorporate a sex toy at the same time if you’re hungry for more. If you really want to make sure you’ll climax if you are juggling nerves about doing this for the time, stand up against the wall and let him feast on you, it won’t be long before you feel your insides begging for completion. When you get more confident you can sit on his face and learn the skill of having oral performed as well as having fingers and/or toys inserted, then with further confidence you can progress to riding his tongue. Lastly, it won’t be long before you approach his face while on all fours allowing him to pleasure you orally from behind as he inserts fingers/toys in the vagina and an anal vibrator into your anus. Likely you’ll both be ‘humming’ for sometime after.

Keep your lady parts clean at all times, don’t put him off smelling like the trout you ate for lunch.

Nipples Are It :

The nipples can be incredibly sensitive to touch whether female or male and you may find you really enjoy nipple play. It is possible nipple play will bring some women to a climax by  gentle massage of the nipples and breasts and by sucking and teasing the nipple into a tight raised bud. Temperature play such as an ice cube rubbed over the nipples or sucking the nipples once you have chilled your mouth with ice causes the nipples to become tightly erect leading to what women refer to as a nipple orgasm as the nipple and the vagina relay messages to one another. Take extra care if you have piercings.

Props aka Blindfolds,Ticklers and Whips :

Sometimes these can be loosely viewed as light bondage props bringing a hint of kinkiness to your relationship. Wearing blindfolds can heighten your senses such as touch, taste and smell. Sexual arousal can increase when you don’t know what’s coming next. Feather ticklers and gentle whips are great fun as you gently run them up and down the body. Be creative with your props.

BDSM and Kinky Dominatrix : 

Explore your kinky side, release your inner dominatrix and experiment with BDSM, Shibari, and fantasy, dress up, act, take sex to a whole new level but do put in place safety measures such as a safe word that means ‘stop right now’.This a considered avenue that should be explored with extra caution.

Watch Erotic Films and Read Erotic Fiction :

Far more accessible so make the most of this material. Read to each other or take time alone to read a sexy story to get you in the mood for the evening ahead. You might like to rein-act some of the storylines to spice things up. Watch an erotic film together to get you in the mood for manual stimulation, sex toys, 

oral or anal sex.

Summary : 

What you should have learned by now is that sex does not have to mean penetration as we were once told. Sex is whatever you want it to be, and what works for you to achieve amazing orgasms and sexual fulfilment. Enjoy discovering on your own and/or with your partner the many ways you can experience this because if you don’t do it for you , then who will ?

rcourse Required

Sex at 5o plus.

Life begins at 40, or so the saying used to be, but what about when you hit 50, and what about sex ?

With  better understanding and an open mind you can still enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life specially when you view it as an ageless unconditional pastime. Even sex in your 60’s and over may simply be different to what you can recall from when you were in your 2o’s. But that’s completely normal considering you have lived life, clocking up awareness, confidence and wisdom over the years.

Make no mistake sex is important to us because it has the power to improve mental and physical health by the release of endorphins which make you feel happy while reducing anxiety and stress. A good sex life can also reinforce your relationship by creating a sense of well being between you and your partner sometimes at a newly discovered spiritual level. In fact some couples happily move towards and remain content with practising tantric sex, so if that’s your new thing, its just as cool as a good old romp.

Our bodies and feelings change throughout life so it is even more important to communicate with your partner about your desires, feelings and needs. Speaking openly is key to bringing a new found closeness where sex is more rewarding and pleasurable. Just talking about sex can take your relationship to a new level if you have never been so vocally expressive before.

Trying some of the following are great starters :

  • Gentle teasing using humour can open up the opportunities about sex. Keeping chit-chat honest about feelings and what you want from your sex life can build trust, promoting a deeper sense of belonging between you.
  • Discuss new ideas you’d like to try with your partner and be open to creativity and passion, especially as you are likely to have less distractions and have more undisturbed time to explore.
  • Today we’re surrounded by so much information about sex, yet if you were raised when discussion about sex was taboo, you might think talking openly about your needs and desires with your partner will be out of your comfort zone.  So ask yourself the question ; if you decline to explore pastures new how will you ever know what additional pleasures are out there for you ? What could you be missing out on ?  What if doing something differently leads to a different outcome which surpasses your expectations? Now is the time to start a new sexual chapter in order to achieve the best sex life you can that meets your needs at all levels.

Sex is after all not merely about penetration alone, consider if you will that penetration may not be possible for some couples so just as they have adapted so can you. Consider other intimate sexual contact such as masturbation and oral sex as they can be just as rewarding. Introducing different sexual positions you both find comfortable and pleasurable can be fun too. The key is imagination and a curious mindset to pursue what’s possible for you. Forget about thinking outside the box it’s about whenever and wherever because there is no box when it comes to your happy sex life.

Accept that a good ‘water based lubricant’ will really help activity depending on what time of day you are having sex, your energy levels or medication needs. Morning sex can wake you up and create a sense of well being for the rest of the day rather than the usual bedtime routine sessions when you might be lagging energy especially if you offer to regularly look after grandchildren weekdays.

Be aware that pre, during and post menopause the elasticity of the walls of the vagina tend to deplete somewhat often making sex feel different. Again reach for that ‘water based lubricant’ . Slow down the foreplay and consider improvising with a touch of mutually timed masturbation before picking up the pace to get to the final goal.

Do remember that if you are with a new partner and about to embark on sexual activities after a long term break perhaps after divorce or the loss of a partner – you still need to use condoms ! 

We can often forget how important it is to use a condom/dental dam for oral sex because the human papillovirus (HPV) can be transmitted through oral sex with the risk of throat and neck cancers simply because the older generation never had the benefit of the HPV immunisation as is offered today.

Permission is granted to enjoy sex in our older years just like we did in our youth, the only difference today is we can all freely seek out wants and needs to be fulfilled. Besides, no matter what stage we are at in life, sex is very much an ongoing learning process.

Enjoy learning, enjoy experimenting, enjoy sex.

Allergic to Sperm – Seriously ?

If your genitals swell or feel irritated during or after sex, it may be – wait for it – a sperm allergy. There may even be redness or itching around your mouth after oral sex too. 

It is a recognised condition called – seminal plasma hypersensitivity – and you’ll be relieved to know it is more common than you think. A study published in the Mount Sinai Journal of Medicine (2011) found 40,000 women might have a hypersensitivity to one or more of the protein components in human semen. Fortunately it can be managed by the right approach.

Treatment is more often using condoms or desensitising the vagina with dilutions of seminal fluid/subcutaneous desensitisation with seminal plasma proteins from the sexual partner. So you may not be allergic to semen as such, but more the components in semen. For example, food/drink/medication.ingested passes into body fluids including semen There haven’t been too many studies, but one case reported in BMJ Case Reports ( 8th March 2019) that a woman in Spain was diagnosed with anaphylaxis — a severe, whole-body allergic reaction that can be fatal. There are few studies on how much drugs accumulate in men’s semen, and questions as to whether ‘amoxicillin’ could become quite concentrated in semen.

This definitely needs a GP visit, so get to it, if you want a family you may have to consider IVF to conceive and use condoms at all times. A bit of a guessing game is this one, so get your GP as soon as, in order to get referred to the specialists in this field.

I Want Sex & The Benefits Sex Offer Now.

You’ve heard it many times before that scientific sex studies say sex is extremely good for your health, just imagine having that on prescription – if only ! 

Having sex is an ‘all-round’ concept, combining experiencing pleasure, with physical and mental health. You can’t ignore it, sex is life and without it there would be no ‘us’ or anything else that uses sex to reproduce. It’s up there with the necessities of life such as  oxygen ,water, food and shelter.

Less Stress, Better Blood Pressure

Having sex could lower stress and your blood pressure, based on a study of 24 women/22 men exposed to stressful situations, such as speaking in public and other situations. Those who had intercourse responded better to stress and their diastolic blood pressure (the bottom number of your blood pressure) was lower than than those who abstained.

Sex Boosts Immunity

Sex once/twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called ‘immunoglobulin A or IgA’ which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University found those who had sex once/twice a week had higher levels of IgA, an antibody that could help you avoid a cold or other infections.

Sex Burns Calories

Burn 85 calories or more. It adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn approx 3,570 calories. Now imagine what would happen if we all ditched going to the gym in favour of sex as a preferred physical and psychological workout. Keeping active also boosts your sex life too so seems sex could be the all singing and dancing solution we may have overlooked as part of our keeping fit regime.

Sex Improves Heart Health

A 20-year-long study revealed that men who had sex twice or more times a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

Sex May Turn Down Pain

Awaken your love hormone ‘oxytocin’ because it boosts your body’s endorphins aka your bodies natural painkillers. That probably explains why that headache, arthritic pain, or PMS seems to  improve after sex. So if you’ve trouble understanding why some women report period pains tend to ease after orgasm , now you know. And if you think sex is messy with menstrual flow opt for a quick masturbation session – all in the name of pain relief !

Deeper Intimacy

Aside from the fact the majority of us are a-kin to needing to belong (like other pack animals/mammals) the sought after orgasm actually  boosts the hormone ‘oxytocin’  helping us with bonding and trust. Researchers noted oxytocin levels before and after hugging partners was higher and that generosity flourished.

Ejaculations &  Prostate Cancer

Frequent ejaculations such as 21 or more ejaculations a month, can contribute to lessening the likelihood of getting prostate cancer than those who had four to seven ejaculations per month. Of course, that study doesn’t mean ejaculating is the answer, other unique factors such as what criteria makes an individual susceptible to cancer are important too. However, the researchers in Texas did take that into consideration, and the findings regarding ejaculation still held.

Better Sleep

Orgasm promotes sleepiness research shows. And getting enough quality sleep has also been linked with healthy weight and better blood pressure. So if you’re woken because of menopause night sweats, needing the loo or by little ones, when you go back to bed you now have an excuse for seeking pleasure in the middle of the night.A satisfying sex life benefits your sleep, and if you’re less tired your sex life benefits – a circle of habit that just keeps giving !

A Youthful Glow

Royal Edinburgh Hospital used a panel of judges to use one-way mirrors to guess peoples ages. Those who were enjoying lots of sex four times a week were perceived to be 7 to 12 years younger than their actual age.

Regular sex promotes the release of hormones ( testosterone and oestrogen ) which can keep the body looking youthful and oestrogen goes the extra mile to promote soft skin and shiny hair.

Promotes Good Vagina Health

Regular penetrative sex keeps you vagina happy and healthy so accept it and rejoice ! It promotes production of your own natural lubricant keeping the walls of the vagina flexible alongside friendly bacteria making the perfect pH. Good blood flow to the tissues of the vagina and vulva which are important for sensations, so again when you give to your vagina you are rewarded.

Sadly as women age their vagina wall becomes less flexible due to lessening oestrogen, often resulting in women declining cervical screening. It can also lead to the onset of later vaginismus, so if you want to help yourself in between sexual activity seriously consider using the ‘Vagi-Wave’  for 21 nights now and then just to keep you focussed and comfortable with the sensation of something in you. 

If you’re considering moving to tampons, ‘Vagi-Wave’ is the only recognised universal vaginal trainer that lets you practise inserting/removing items in the vagina minus the mess of menstrual flow.

Lastly, should you start to shy away, think water based lubricant using before/during/after sex and any time in between Ours (though others are available elsewhere) is called ‘Moose-Joose’ which can be used as often as you like according to need no matter your age or sexual activity.

All Tied Up – Shibari 

“Bondage is of the mind” Ramakrishna

Let’s put your mind at ease – Not all BDSM – (abbreviated to : Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism) involves dungeons, latex or extreme pain.

When practiced safely the allure of a bit of playful rope-tying can be a sexy addition to one’s bedroom repertoire. Play cuffs, a scarf around the wrists, a blindfold or being tied to the bed can be fun with someone you trust.

But if you want to go further try the Japanese art of rope tying aka Shibari. (There are some beautiful photographs on the subject to satisfy your curiosity.)

To understand the allure of rope bondage, and to do it safely it is strongly advised to attend processional training. Classes are no longer in dungeons but in yoga studios & with professional equipment/instruction.

Ok so why rope?

There is a deep connection of intimacy as some feel rope is sexually charged, for others it is all about trust & submission.


There doesn’t have to be any but for some  pain is part of the allure. A Japanese concept based on  ‘beautiful suffering’ – but that doesn’t necessarily mean the rope causes the pain, it can be due to being emotionally released and/or being vulnerable – it’s personal.

Classes not possible for me, now what?

Strongly advise you find one, and after training keep everything on the ground (until appropriate/recognisably proficient) & always avoid involving dangerous areas like the neck. Keep some good scissors within reach and cut the rope if needed & without any hesitation. Above all – play safe !

What kind of rope should be used?

Natural fibre jute, but there are other types which work well according to different criteria  of which professional instruction will share with you.

Shibari classes

Anatomie Studio in London or Studio Kokoro in the Midlands. Try searching for a local   ‘Peer Rope Group’ as a good place to start.

What’s the difference between ‘tying’ & ‘tied?

Consenting to being ‘tied’ as a  ‘rope bunny’ means you are giving up power and control to another person. It can also feel personally challenging as you are pulled this way & that as your body experiences new sensations.

Doing the ‘tying’  as the ‘rigger’’ means you accept someone’s submission to you allowing you to display/act artfully and with upmost trust. 

It is deemed to be a gifted journey of spiritual connection/partnership, though not for everyone. 

So if it’s not for you because you prefer ropes remain on ships then that’s absolutely fine. Just look for something else to float your boat. Rest assured you’ll have just as much fun looking at everything else out there, and if it’s not out there – why not create it.

NB: You should seek ‘professional guidance before participation’ even if you/someone else has read books /watched films on the subject